7 Ways Social Justice Language Can Become Abusive in Intimate Relationships
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Leah Lakshmi Piepzna Samarasinha, “so what the fuck does consciousness mean anyway”
There aren’t a lot of things I know for certain in this life, but there is one thing I have known for a long, long time: What lives at the heart of abuse is fear and the power to turn that fear into violence and control.
When we live in fear, when all we have known for all coque custodia cover fundas hoesjes j3 j5 j6 s20 s10 s9 s8 s7 s6 s5 plus edge b12030 batman ff0085 samsung galaxy s20 plus case our lives is fear, we are capable of transforming even im not old im a classic born 1993 t shirt coque iphone 11 the best causes and ideas into weapons of abuse even coque samsung galaxy s5 s6 s7 s8 s9 s10 s10e edge plus lil peep star shopping the cause of social justice.
Let me tell you a story to show you what I mean: A few years ago I took a deep breath, looked one of my closest friends in the eye, and coque iphone xr silicone integrale told him coque galaxie iphone 8 plus that I thought this is my human costume im really a unicorn t shirt coque iphone 11 he should stop beating up coque samsung galaxy s5 s6 s7 s8 s9 s10 s10e edge plus antonio brown clipart his boyfriend.
He blinked at me in surprise. cover custodia case iphone 11 R8730 dbz wallpaper 17lX7 He shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe what I was saying. Custodia Cover iphone 11 pro max Green Bay Packers Skull X00391 Case Then he said, “But it isn’t abuse if I hit him. cover custodia case iphone 11 K8740 goku wallpaper 24oM9 I’m more oppressed than he is.”
It was my turn to shake my head in disbelief as I struggled to get coque iphone 8 plus tropical 703antenpascher6545 a grip on what was happening, what was true, what I believed, what my responsibility in the situation was.
It was true that my coque samsung galaxy s5 s6 s7 s8 s9 s10 s10e edge plus the wise words of michael scott white black friend was, on a systemic level, “more oppressed.” He was racialized, and his boyfriend was white. Custodia Cover iphone 11 pro max alessia cara bw know it all L0938 Case Custodia Cover iphone 11 pro max Shazam DC Logo Art P0641 Case He was raised in a working class family, and his boyfriend was upper middle class.
Like me, my friend had grown up knowing trauma after trauma as a result of systemic oppression, while his boyfriend had lived a life of relative privilege.
In feminist and social justice communities, intimate partner violence, or domestic thor wallpaper 91ec3 abuse, is usually understood as the violent use of power by one partner to control and terrorize the other.
Feminism, anti racism, queer and trans advocacy, and other kinds of coque iphone xr danseuse social justice based thinking also recognize that people of certain identities for example whiteness, masculinity, and heterosexuality are given greater power and privilege in society.
Because of this social power imbalance, social justice communities tend to believe that it is much easier for men to abuse women, white people to abuse people of coque samsung galaxy s5 s6 s7 s8 s9 s10 s10e edge plus zerochan anime jojos bizarre adventure color, and so on. cover iphone 11 monster energy Social statistics on intimate partner violence support this belief. cover custodia case iphone 11 V4718 wallpaper avengers endgame 72jJ2 And this is what I have always believed, as a feminist and activist.
But in that moment with my friend, I was forced to wonder, does this mean that a “more oppressed” person can never be responsible for abusing a “less oppressed” person Can a woman never abuse a man, or a racialized person a white person
And how many times had I, in moments of fear, terrified of being abandoned yet again by a white, cisgender male partner, coque galaxy s6 dragon ball resorted to using the only power I had the language of feminism and social justice, words that had given me strength and saved my life when no one would to try and seize control of my relationships
“If you leave me, then you’re just as racist as all the other white gay boys. Custodia Cover iphone 11 pro max Gorillaz plastic beach Z1030 Case You don’t want have sex coque custodia cover case fundas hoesjes iphone 11 pro max 5 6 6s 7 8 plus x xs xr se2020 pas cher p8585 believe in yourseld and aliens with me anymore because you’re transphobic. iphone 11 cover silicone I’ll scream at you and call you whatever I want don’t tone police me.”
The thing is, I believed those things when I said them, believed them with all my traumatized, terrified trans girl of color heart. cover custodia case iphone 11 P9752 goku ultra instinct wallpaper 23nC4 A part of me still does.
Because it’s true that social oppression plays itself out in romantic and sexual relationship. Custodia Cover iphone 11 pro max Vans Off The Wall Wallpaper L0460 Case Too often, privileged people hurt and exploit their marginalized partners and are never held accountable for their actions.
But there is a difference between expressing oppressive relationship dynamics in order to expose privilege and incite self reflection, and manipulating the language of social justice to win a fight with your partner.
There is a big coque iphone xr transparente avec motif difference between pointing out that your partner is more privileged than you and using that fact as an excuse for hitting them.
This conversation is so, so complicated and scary to open up, girl on bike coque iphone 11 because it forces us, as feminists and activists, to question the foundations of our beliefs about identity, power, and violence. cover custodia case iphone 11 J9391 botw wallpaper 8gI8 It forces us to question ourselves and what we are doing, in the world and in our bedrooms.
But I think we need to go there.
We need to look at abuse through a more complicated lens.
We need to learn to understand what is happening in our own relationships not just by ticking off identity boxes, but by deeply and carefully examining specific behaviors and the motivations that can lead to violence.
We need to start looking at the ways in which social justice ideas the same ideas that liberate and empower us can also be used to harm and dominate people.
(And no, to privileged folks reading this article, this is not an excuse to coque samsung a70 et verre shut down or ignore your racialized/disabled/transgender/otherwise marginalized partner when they tell you that you’re being oppressive to them. If anything, this is about learning how to listen more carefully to what they’re saying, and why they might be saying it.
